youre lurking in front of me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
