What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
