in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
