Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
