She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
