So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
