i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
