what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
