HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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