I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
