I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
