and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
