i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize