you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
