did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The beer is more important than you right now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
