he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
