I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
