I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform