real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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