you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
