you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
