connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize