the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
