I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
