i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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