I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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