is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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