I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize