Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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