I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
