just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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