New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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