i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
