My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
