Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
