i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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