I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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