im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
