Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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