to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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