Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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