did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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