Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize