New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
