I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
