Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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