ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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