He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
