I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
