don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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