The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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