she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
