I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
