Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
