Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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