I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
