Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
