yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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