Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
